peace is war by other means

[effingsirius]

It's soon enough after the war that an increase in incidents involving Muggles anywhere in the UK gets the Aurors and the Order poking their head in. A confirmed death, disappearances, and a number of addled Muggles was definitely something that called their attention. Preliminary investigations turned up at least one Death Eater's son in the vicinity; he was put on the shortlist instantly. Most of the people assumed he was the man they'd be nabbing, at the end.

But interrogations of the Muggles who seem to have been put at risk yield an interesting new factor. Yield a description of one Sirius Black, previously missing and apparently turned dark in his absence. Yield, from a few of the Muggles, blurry memories of a snake.

The Aurors are ready to arrest him on the spot. The Order members know better. Relay the information back to the Potters, who are understandably upset, and to Dumbledore, who poses the possibility of Horcruxes to them.

In the end, they ask Lily to go out. She's familiar and loved enough she probably won't seem a threat to Sirius if he has taken a dark turn. Is skilled enough that there is a Horcrux, she'll likely be able to handle it.

They still have some people accompany her, but when the time comes it's her they're allowing to knock on the door of the apartment they've determined belongs to one Sirius Black.

When he opens the door, for a heartbeat of a moment he's nothing but a shell. When his glazed eyes take in who's standing there, though, the foreign soul in him hisses. Twists a little at the controls it has on him to bring back a bit of the light in his eyes but none of the actual feeling behind it.

"--Lily." He's still so pale. His voice and eyes are still so dull. The smile doesn't reach his eyes, "What are you doing here?"

(The snake, elsewhere in the apartment, slithers to try to find a hiding place.)

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[lightmagic]

The spell does graze her arm and she hisses, thrown off-balance for a split-second before recovering. The pain blooms immediately but it's not her wand arm. She'll be fine. She doesn't crow in victory when Sirius' body crumples to the ground - almost sobs instead, barely keeps it together. But it's a move she needs. She'll apologize later. Spend her life making it up to him that she sent a spell his way.

For now, she has to concentrate. "Do I keep making mistakes?" It's murmured, sweet and dangerous. "I don't think you understand what a mistake you've made in threatening my family, in already hurting someone I love. But you wouldn't understand that, would you? Of course not." There's rage blooming beneath the sorrow and she stokes it violently because it's what's keeping her afloat. Despite appearances, she's terrified.

"You offered me mercy before, too. Mercy if I let you kill my son. I don't want mercy from a snake like you." She strides forward and stomps down just behind the snake's head before it can reach Sirius entirely. It can't reach her to bite from here and even though she can't hold it long, she has a split-second to act. She has to have something.

But she remembers hurried conversation, a pair of wild black eyes staring into her own, a hissed warning. A murmur of the words for a spell in her ear, a quick demonstration of movement without them, a whisper of for your enemies. A press of foreheads, a squeeze of a hand desperately trying to convey thanks. He'd refused to say her name like he wasn't worthy of it. She thinks he probably meant Peter, when he'd told her. Or maybe Voldemort himself - she hadn't used it then, hadn't thought of it. Now is as good a time as any for a second chance.

"All I want from you is for you to die, Tom Riddle." The swipe of her wand is aimed at just behind the snake's head. "Sectumsempra."

Unless the snake can escape, it will slice cleanly. If it can wriggle slightly out of the way, it will still slice deeply but not all the way through—either way there's no coming back from it. It's a matter of seconds between either outcome, immediate or bleeding out.

"So die again," she murmurs.

[effingsirius]

Both the snake and the man hisses when she stomps on him, the snake twisting to bite at her but only snagging fangs on her thick boots without puncturing. There's a scream from the apparition as the spell hits, unholy and more devil than human. There's a sticky blackness to the blood that flows out of the snake. It looks more like tar than actual blood.

And then Voldemort's gone (again; for good) and there's nothing but a dead snake. (Somewhere in Albania, an animal that was hosting the main part of his soul gasps out a final breath.) For a long moment there's an almost eerie silence after.

But then there's the softest moan as Sirius Black, some color back in his cheeks despite still looking haggard, regains consciousness as himself for the first time in what feels like forever. He blinks in confusion for a couple moments, trying to get used to having a full sense of himself, before memory and panic sweeps in.

"--Lily! Lily, are you hurt?" He's still a little too weak to get all the way up to standing, but he manages to get up to something more like sitting again, "Did you-- Is he gone? Merlin, Lily, I could have killed you--"

[lightmagic]

When the snake tries to bite her there's a moment of cold fear but there's no blossom of pain so it lets her breathe. And then... And then. It's over. It's really, truly over, she thinks. She's stunned, unable to move, just breathing harshly and trying to keep herself from panicking.

The noise from Sirius snaps her back into being, away from disassociating and she rushes to his side and drops to her knees with a low sob, flinging her arms around his neck. It's him, really and truly, and she peppers kisses to his hair before she can even regain herself to speak at all.

"Sirius," she whispers, barely audible, "Sirius, we were so worried. I'm so sorry, I had to stun you while he was in control, I would never—" it chokes there before she can continue. "I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you forever, it wasn't your fault, none of it was your fault, I love you, we love you, it wasn't you." She takes a shuddering breath, trying to rein in her babbling. "It wasn't you. It would have been him, if anyone. Do you understand? None of this is your fault."

[effingsirius]

He's startled at the hug; a surprised rush of air escaping his lips. It takes him a couple moments to remember he can hug back now; his arms are careful as he hugs her back. He's afraid that Voldemort isn't really gone; that he might come back and Sirius could break her, she's so close.

He's so caught up in the simple fact that he can feel her again, really and properly, that it takes him a couple of seconds to register she's speaking.

"--No-- Oh, Lils, it's fine, I know you were just-- doing what you had to do. Honestly, you should have just attacked once you were sure, he got so close--"

His own breath is a shaky shudder as her assurances sink in, and he shakes his head, "Don't-- you don't know what I did."

To be fair, he barely knows, but he has an idea.

"Merlin, I-- I'm sorry if you really came all the way out here for me. If it hadn't been for killing him I doubt it would have been-- worth it." Another trembling breath. He doesn't remember how to cry, but it's almost like a sob, "It's-- it's over, you know, you finished it. I-- I saw. The snake was the-- last one."

It's over.

[lightmagic]

She nuzzles against the side of his face, quiet and grounding. She loves him, deeply and truly, and he's here. He's not gone. There's nothing left in him that's not him.

"Do you hear yourself?" It's soft and she moves to press their foreheads together, fingers brushing through his hair. "If it's not my fault because he was in control, it's not your fault either. You can't have it both ways. Either it's neither of our faults or it's both of ours. That's a decision you need to make."

Firm. She means it. Still she moves, pressing a kiss to his forehead, his cheek, a very cautious peck to his lips. It's affectionate but just something that friends do. She's done it before. "You're always worth it. Always. I need you to understand me. Even if there wasn't a horcrux I would have come for you. We love you, we need you. Please believe me, Sirius. You're our heart, our lungs. Everything we are is tied to you too."

What he says last stills her. Over. Really over. She lets out a shuddering breath that sounds half-sob, half-laugh. "Merlin, it's over. He's gone. He's gone forever."

It's freeing. "We're safe, Sirius. All of us."

[effingsirius]

Every touch feels foreign but reassuring. The fact that he can feel them at all is a confusing blessing. The fact that every touch is so gentle when for months all he's known is roughness is bewildering enough to keep him from pulling away entirely. He leans his forehead in against hers as though he doesn't quite remember how.

"It's not-- your fault," is all he can manage to assert. It will take time, before he can even begin to consider the rest, "Let's-- figure out my blame for when we've pieced it all together, nn?"

The kiss to his lips has him blinking in surprise again, more obviously now. He doesn't draw back, but he does still a little.

"You shouldn't," he answers her, voice soft, "You-- he wasn't lying, about what I did. I-- I really--" A breath, "All that alcohol, and the drugs-- not just pot, and-- Merlin, acting like a whore for-- one of his people. I-- 'm trash, Lily. You shouldn't want me coming home and-- infecting everything."

His breath trembles again. He vaguely wishes he could cry. At least he's able to respond when other people do.

"It's safe now," he agrees softly, "It's over. He's really gone."

[lightmagic]

She doesn't push any more affections on him after that. Just holds him and rubs his back. That's all. "There's no blame to place on you," she murmurs, but doesn't press that either. They can work on it.

"Sirius." It's firm again. "You were hurting. In a vacuum, sleeping with people isn't wrong or make you a whore. Doing harder drugs is worrisome but not something to condemn you for. On top of that, you were being manipulated. You were near a horcrux. Do you realize what that does to you? Regulus was—he was by one for less than a week and you saw what it did to him. You were by one much longer. It's not your fault. You can't convince me that you're trash and you can't convince me that you shouldn't come home. You're not going to infect or ruin anything."

It's a lot to say at once. She lets it sink in.

"We've all been manipulated, Sirius. It doesn't make us bad people."

[effingsirius]

It's a lot to take in at once. It's got him trembling in her arms, slumping just slightly from relief and exhaustion. It's not something that he can accept immediately, his head shaking in response to her words.

"Not everyone gets themselves manipulated to where they-- hurt or kill people. Not everyone gets themselves into positions where they get manipulated in the first place, and-- it wasn't like I wasn't doing those things just after the horcux. I-- set my own damn self up for this."

[lightmagic]

"Stop." Quiet. "I'm not going to let you keep blaming yourself for something that isn't your fault." She holds him, not letting go for anything.

"I need you to remember that we're not blaming you. We're not, so you shouldn't either. We love you, and the things that happened are not your fault." She'll keep repeating it as many times as necessary. "Because you were hurting, it let him weasel his way in. It's not something to be ashamed of. We should have helped you more."

A breath. "We should let the others know we're all right."

[effingsirius]

"It is my fault."

And it will take him a long time to believe otherwise, even if eventually he'll stop arguing with her aloud about it.

"What more could you have done? I left you and stayed out of touch. How did you even find me?"

Though he does start to get an idea, when he talks about the others. The nod of his head is jerky; a touch resigned.

"All right. Who's-- here?"